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Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers (1 Peter 3:7) In other words, you must treat with respect and sensitivity this fragile creature God has made, called woman. She is fragile not only because you can beat her at arm wrestling, but because you can crush her spirit with brutish words and actions of disrespect. Note the clear warning at the end of this Scripture. Do you want God to listen to your prayers? Then you must honor and value your wife. Here are some ways you can honor your wife:
1. Be sensitive to her needs.
If you ask your wife what she needs and then listen carefully, she will reveal her needs to you. Then ask God to help you meet as many of those needs as you can.

2. Let your actions, as well as your words, show her respect.
Don't sit in front of the television while she washes the dishes, picks up after the kids, gets them to bedm and then does three loads of laundry. She's more than a mommy, a maid, a cook, and a nurse. She's your partner. Besides, if Jesus could wash feet, you can wash dishes.

3. Pay attention to her when she talks to you.
Put down the paper, mute the television, look her in the eyes, and respond in more than monosyllables.

4. Be considerate, and use gentle and kind words with your wife.
You can deeply wound her spirit with harsh, discounting words. It's bad enough when this is done in private, but it's devastating when done in public. Remember, a wounded heart finds it hard to give love.

5. Accept her feelings.
You may not understand them, but you must respect them as real and genuine. Never tell her, "You shouldn't feel that way, Honey." when you say things like that, you're telling her that you think her feelings are stupid.
6. Accept her as she is without comparing her to others.
When you criticize, you are saying: "I don't like you the way you are. Be different, or I won't love you." On the other hand, if you show her that you love and accept her just the way she is, she may change simply because she feels free to do so. Regardless, you must allow her to be all she can be, not all you want her to be.
7. Be faithful and loyal, living up to her trust.
Unfaithfulness is the ultimate dishonor to your wife. Before God, commit yourself to being a faithful husband. Be faithful in your thoughts and actions. When you honor your wife, you honor your marriage. Hebrews 13:4 declares that marriage is valuable and precious to you? Do you see your wife as valuable, precious, and worthy of honor and respect? Remember...you promised.

1. Love God with whole of your heart.
When you love the Lord,you haven  created a solid foundation for a lasting home. Love Him deeply, passionately and fully. He will make it His duty to preserve your home against the destroyers
2. Surround yourself with couples who have strong marriages.
According to Jim Rohn You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.
Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. Proverbs 13:20
3.Take care of yourself.
Be beauty conscious even if you are developing old age wrinkles. Dont allow your husband to begin to compare you negatively to others.Remember:'Men look at outward appearance...'
4. Forgive your spouse and forgive yourself
5. Choose joy
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22
Dont allow anything to steal your joy...God will take care of the rest!
6. Talk together a lot.
Talk  about the little things, about small things. Especially when you don’t feel like talking
Relationship walls begin to build up when we stop talking about the little things.Regular conversation breeds understanding
7. Cultivate friendship
Its easier, more fruitful, to work at being a better friend than being a better spouse. (It’s tricking your mind, really.) There’s nothing a man (or woman) wouldn’t do for a friend.
Wounds from a friend can be trusted. Proverbs 27:6
8. Protect your marriage
Always and forever. No excuses.Dont give room to third party interference!Beside every home is a serpent.Be careful!
9.Woman,never take your husband for granted.
Thank him for what he does, even if it’s his duty. Make him a big deal. Always.
10. Honor your husband,honour your wife
As a wife,In the big things and the small things:Be intentional about lifting your husband up. Make it your ambition to bath your relationship with honor, even in  moments of disagreements.As a man, obey the scriptures :Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel
11. Dream together
12. Put on the mindset of Christ
See life and your husband through the eyes of Christ. A great marriage is only possible when we see and treat others as Christ does.
Whoever claims to love in him must live as Jesus did. 1 John 2:6
13.Pursue each other.
Not just to the bedroom...but in physical life.Dont let him leave you behind...in knowledge,in things of the spirit and in exposure.
14. Laugh often, loud and long
He might never make it to “the funniest man” list in town, but make him feel like he’s the most entertaining guy in yours. Nothing blesses a guys heart like a happy laughing wife. And knowing he’s the source. As a man make your wife laugh...get a joke out of every brewing misunderstanding.
A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit. Proverbs 15:13
15. Be a hottie in bed.
No matter what,be creative in bed.Routine sex is boring.See to it that your spouse is super satisfied! Or at least try. Begin to try.
16. Speak up more
Instead of assuming he/she can read your mind
17. Be willing to “lose”
If you win every agreement you may lose the peace at home!
18. Think more about making your marriage work
Marriage thrives when we put a little more thought to it. It cannot thrive on left-over attention, you have to give your best effort.
19. Surprise him/her
With gifts, with notes, with attention, with meals, in bed. Cultivate a little mystery. Invite him for a mystery celebration.
20. Don’t try to be the Holy Spirit
Be his wife/husband. That’s all God wants from you. All the job He gave you.You cant change anyone easily.Adapt,understand and influence
21. Pray for him/her daily
Prayer is a shield to the soul, a sacrifice to God, and a scourge for Satan – John Bunyan
22. Call your spouse regularly,when the two of you are far apart. text him everyday
Let him/her know he’s loved, thought of and cherished.But dont monitor partner as if you dont trust him.Even if he is not trustworth...trust him or at least pretend as if you do
23. Praise more than you criticize
“You get more of what you affirm. Have you ever noticed that when someone praises you, you want to repeat the behavior that caused it? Notice the good things and affirm (your spouse). Call them out. Acknowledging your spouse is huge in terms of reinforcing the behavior and getting more of what you like.” – Michael Hyatt
 Outdo one another in showing honor Romans 12:10
24.Touch each other often.
In the car, as you watch TV, as you walk in town or the mall or grocery aisle, in church. Don’t wait for him to reach for your hand, reach for his. Constant physical touch is good for your souls and the soul of your marriage.
25. Communicate your love.
It’s not enough to say “I love you”. Put it into action through care,attention and discussion.
26. Pray before you confront.
And continue praying during and after. Invite God into your heartache before you invite your spouse.
27. Admire him/her
As a wife gush over how strong he is as he lifts and moves things around the house. Touch his body in wonder. Marvel at his thinking and ideas. Make him feel like the most amazing man on earth. Because he is. Or should beat leastTo you.
As a man,show your admiration by your looks and your touch!
28. Put down the phone, shut the computer listen to your wife
Peace and quiet. Give each other undivided attention.
29.Be an easy to please partner
Don’t make it hard for your man/woman to please you..
30.Respect your in laws.

1. Keep your mind on your main goal, which is to have a happy marriage. Say and do what will enable you and your spouse to have a happy marriage. Avoid the opposite.
2. Keep asking yourselves, What can we do to have a happy, loving atmosphere in our home?
3.  Focus on giving, rather than taking. Say and do as many things as possible to meet your spouses needs.
4.  Keep doing and saying things that will give your spouse a sense of importance.
5.  Frequently ask yourself, What positive things can I say and do to put my (husband or wife) in a positive emotional state?
6.  Before speaking, clarify the outcome you want. The meaning of your communication is the response you actually get. If the first thing you say is not achieving your goal, change your approach. Remember that mutual respect and happiness is your real goal. Do not needlessly argue. Silence is often the wisest choice. Constantly be mutually respectful.
7.  Show appreciation and gratitude in as many ways as possible. Say something appreciative a few times a day.
8.  Be a good listener. Understand your spouse from his or her point of view.
9.  Be considerate of the feelings and needs of your spouse. Think of ways that you have lacked consideration and be resolved to increase your level of consideration.
10.  Instead of blaming and complaining think of positive ways to motivate your spouse. If your first strategies are not effective, think of creative ways.
11.  Give up unrealistic expectations. Do not expect your spouse to be perfect and do not make comparisons.
12.  Do not cause pain with words. If your spouse speaks to you in ways that cause you pain, choose outcome wording, Lets speak to each other in ways that are mutually respectful.
13.  Be willing to compromise. Be willing to do something you would rather not do in return for similar behavior from your spouse.
14.  Write a list of ways that you have benefited from being married to your spouse. Keep adding to the list and reread it frequently.
15.  Write a list of your spouses positive patterns and qualities. Keep adding to the list and read it frequently.
16.  Keep thinking about what you can do to bring out the best qualities of your spouse. Reinforce those qualities with words and action.
17.  Focus on finding solutions to any problems that arise. Be solution oriented. Do not just blame and complain. Do not focus on who is more wrong. For a happy marriage, work together to find mutually acceptable solutions.
18.  Remember your finest moments. What did you say and do when you felt best about each other? Increase them.
19.  Look for positive activities you can do together.
20.  Live in the present. What went wrong in the past is the past. You create the present and future with your thoughts, words, and actions right now. Choose them wisely.

God was not stingy in bestowing the gift of emotions. He was not only generous, but we are rich in emotional responses. They come in infinite combinations of types and intensities. There are the good emotions of the heart produced by the Holy Spirit and godly living. (See Galatians 5:22,23.) And there are the damaging, sinful, defeating emotions that come from sinful practices, failure, guilt, and wrong thinking. Just as we may experience physical pain or pleasure, so we have the capacity to experience emotional pain or pleasure. We can experience the mountain tops of emotional ecstasy and also the devastating emotions that seem to totally overwhelm us. God gives us the ability to feel pain, joy, and a host of other emotions. 

Much of what we do or experience in life involves the emotions. Often when we sin the emotions are involved and behind those emotions are sinful thoughts and attitudes. We often manifest sin and failure in our emotional responses. And sin that is UN-confessed and UN-forsaken will effect us emotionally.

It isn’t that we should consider our emotions in a negative way. We are so accustomed to hearing the phrase emotional problems, that we may think that all our emotions are a bother and we‘d be better off without them. But that is not the case. It is just that there are negative emotions we need to consider. We also need to praise God for the healthy, fulfilling and joyous emotions which we experience as well.

In what ways do we respond to our emotions?

Often, we try to ignore our feelings or emotions. This seems to be a popular approach taken by some Christian writers who see our emotional make up as a hindrance to our spiritual progress. Emotions ought not be an embarrassment to us or an unwanted part of life. Some would say we should believe facts and ignore our feelings. This would mean we are to deny our feelings. This encourages us to suppress our negative emotions rather than benefit from them. Husbands often develop insensitivity toward their wives because they have heard so often they should not show their emotions. Maybe from the time they were small boys they were told that men don’t cry. Such men have learned to suppress feelings and now as adults they don’t know how to show any emotions of affection and love to their wives. 

I have known angry people who deny their emotions of anger; they are unable to admit to such feelings, believing that such an admission would be the same as confessing spiritual carnality. Others deny their hostility, bitterness, or sorrow. Thinking Christians should not have such feelings or emotions, they insist that they are free from them. The result is deep feelings often smolder beneath the surface of their personalities. Some are at the boiling stage and yet they will not admit their condition.

There are others who have gone the opposite direction-- their feelings are the very focus of their lives.

Then there may be times we seek to insulate ourselves from emotions. Maybe we have been deeply hurt by someone so we endeavor to stay away from that person or any similar circumstances. Not only our perception, but our evaluations of what we perceive causes our emotions and our reactions which are sometimes so very sinful.

Some people seem to be emotionally controlled in many ways. They may be high-strung, anxious, fretful, worrying-type people. Often because of pride we can be controlled by our feelings. The predominate reaction may be manifested in angry outbursts, bitterness, holding grudges, resentments, and unforgiving attitudes.

Behind our sinful actions of anger, bitterness, wrath, envy, jealousy, worry, fear, selfishness, self-pity, etc., are not only the thoughts and self-talk involved, but also the emotional responses or feelings that we so easily surrender to or seek to fulfill. 

The conflicts marriage partners experience are usually evident in emotional responses. There is the clash of wills, the quarrels, the competition and contentions so many couples live out and thus bring about hell on earth in their daily lives. They not only think wrong but then yield to their emotional urges and sensual desires and continue to bring about failure and hurt. 

But we can have daily, God-controlled emotional responses. When the Christian allows the Holy Spirit to fill and control he will be different. We are to live a supernatural Christian life. We are to be living the kind of life that proves the supernatural working of the Holy Spirit in the daily nitty-gritty of life. If we allow Him to control He will be the dynamic for the control of our emotions. When the Holy Spirit controls the life of the Christian He will bring healing to our emotional sorrows and failures. (See Ephesians 5:18-21.)

Praise God for the twelve fruits of the spirit that we can experience and live in daily life. Not only the nine-fold fruit of the Spirit as given in Galatians 5:23, 24, but also the three fruits given in Ephesians 5:18-21. He will cause us to have a song in the heart, ( vs 19), a thankful heart (vs 20), and a submissive spirit (vs 21). 

Biblical truth about our emotions.

1. God, as our Creator, has endowed us with emotional capacities that are similar to His own since we are created in His image. When we read the Word of God and search out truth about God’s emotions we will find that He was sorry (Gen. 6:6), became weary of hypocrisy (Isa. 1:11-14), and of course manifested anger against sin.

Christ, who is and was God in flesh, expressed sorrow (John 11:35), anger (Mark 3:5), frustration (Luke 9:41), amazement (Luke 7:9), and joy (Heb. 12:2). Christ did not deny His emotions but revealed them and yet without sin.

We need to affirm the fact that emotions are gifts from God. They do become problems to us when we manifest our emotions in sinful ways.

2. Since we are created in God’s image we are beings that have physical, spiritual and emotional unity. With our bodies we relate to our physical environment, with our spirits we have fellowship with God, and with our emotions we can be affected by either the heavenly or earthly relationships. Our souls, given of God, include our capacity of will or volition, thoughts or reasoning and emotions or feelings.

When we consider the impact of emotions in life resulting from our thoughts, decisions and experiences -- they can include terrible guilt, tremendous loss and sorrow, or relief, satisfaction and joy. We can, through salvation and freedom from sin, also have a heart that is clean, free, and lighthearted.

Physical illness affects our emotional equilibrium. And the reverse is also true: our emotions can affect our physical health. Many diseases are considered psychosomatic: the physical ailment is caused by emotional disorders. For example, we cannot live with guilt, anger, or bitterness without it exacting an enormous physical penalty -- it can cause everything from ulcers to backaches.

Doctors tell us that 60-80 percent of the diseases that people experience are emotionally induced illnesses. They are brought about by emotional upsets, or prolonged sin in the life. Dr. S. I. McMillen M. D. says in his book, None of These Diseases, that there are fully 51 different physical problems people bring upon themselves because of harbored sin that tears them up emotionally and has a profound impact upon the body.

Emotions have far more impact upon our lives than what we think. And often behind these emotions are thoughts that produce the emotional responses.

3. God created us with emotions so that our lives might be enriched, not to bring problems that we must endure. We are not, praise the Lord, cold, calculating, intelligent, and insensitive machines. If there was no sorrow, there would also be no joy. What would life be without anticipation, comfort, laughter, the ecstasy of lovers and the sympathy of friends? Life would be empty and dull without emotions. Our emotions were not given to control us, but so we might be able to enjoy life. We would not be better off if we were free of them.

But we still need to know how to have victory over the control of defeating, negative, sinful, hurtful emotional responses.

4. God allows our emotions to be what they are so we through our emotional responses can detect what we need to change. I may recognize that I am depressed, resentful, irritated, discouraged, despondent, or bitter. These very emotions and the thoughts involved should make me aware that there are things I need to change. I need to recognize which sinful thinking and attitudes are helping to produce my sinful emotional responses.

Our negative emotions such as bitterness, rejection, and anger are to not to be ignored. In fact, emotional pain may tell us that all is not well with our spiritual life. Emotional stability can be ours only through our relationship to God rather than dependence on any physical or chemical stimuli.

Briefly then, what should we do with our emotions?

The answer is to

 1) admit to ourselves and to God how we feel (sometimes we should also admit our feelings to others too,) and

 2) ask ourselves: Why do I feel the way I do? And even more importantly, 

3) find out what the Bible teaches so that we will have divine direction for managing our fluctuating feelings. A study of Psalm 42 and 43 will help you to focus on how emotions can be so changeable and that our thoughts can tremendously impact our emotions.

Then, 

4) we need to realize emotional wholeness follows obedience and not vice versa. Many people do not obey God’s Word because they think they must feel like it first; that is, they think unless they obey with emotional exhilaration and joy, they are guilty of hypocrisy. 

This is not true. Do you think that Christ felt like going to the cross? The thought and anticipation of His death did not give Him emotional pleasure. Yet in the end He experienced the emotional satisfaction and joy of doing the Father’s will. His joy followed obedience to the Father’s will; it did not precede it. (See Heb. 12:2.) 

Last Word: Manage  your emotions...never allow your emotions to manage you!

1. Establish your own private home.
"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." Genesis 2:24.
 God's rule is specific. A married couple must leave father and mother and establish their own home, even if finances require that it be a one-room apartment. Husband and wife should decide together on such policies as these. Then she should inform her relatives and he, his. They must remain firm no matter who opposes. Thousands of divorces would be avoided if this rule were carefully followed.
2. Continue your courtship.
"Above all hold unfailing your love for one another, since love covers a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8, RSV. "Her husband . . . praiseth her." Proverbs 31:28. "She that is married careth . . . how she may please her husband." 1 Corinthians 7:34. "Be kindly affectioned one to another . . . in honour preferring one anther." Romans 12:10.
 Continue (or perhaps revive) the courtesies of courtship in your married life. Successful marriages do not just happen; they must be developed. Do not take each other for granted, or the monotony that results will destroy your marriage. Keep love growing by expressing love for one another or it will die, and you will drift apart. Love and happiness are not found by seeking them for yourself but rather by giving them to others. So spend as much time as possible doing things together if you would get along well. Learn to greet each other with enthusiasm. Relax, visit, shop, sightsee, eat together. Do not overlook the little courtesies, encouragements, and affectionate acts. Surprise each other with little gifts or favors. Try to "outlove" each other. Do not take more out of marriage than you put into it. Divorce itself is not the greatest destroyer of marriage, but rather, lack of love. Given a chance, love always wins.
3. Remember that God joined you together in marriage.
"For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife. . . . Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." Matt 19:5, 6.
 Has love almost disappeared from your home? The devil (that notorious home-breaker) is responsible for this. Do not forget that God Himself joined you together in marriage, and He intends for you to stay together and be happy. He will bring happiness and love into your lives if you will obey His divine rules (commandments). "With God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26. Do not despair. God, who places love in the heart of a missionary for a leprous savage, can easily give you love for each other if you will let Him.
4. Guard your thoughts-do not let your senses trap you.
"For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he." Proverbs 23:7. "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife." Exodus 20:17. "Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life." Proverbs 4:23. "Whatsoever things are true, . . . honest, . . . just, . . . pure, . . . lovely, . . . of good report; . . . think on these things." Philippians 4:8.
 The wrong kind of thinking will destroy your marriage. The devil will trap you with thoughts like these: "Our marriage was a mistake." "She does not understand me." "I can't take much more of this." "We can always divorce if necessary." "I'll go home to mother." "He smiled at that woman." Stop thinking thoughts like these or your marriage is gone, because your thoughts and senses govern your actions. Avoid seeing, saying, reading, or hearing anything that (or associating with anyone who) suggests impurity or unfaithfulness. Thoughts uncontrolled are like an automobile in neutral on a hill. Anything can happen, and the result is always disaster.
5. Never retire for the night angry with each other.
"Let not the sun go down upon your wrath." Ephesians 4:26. "Confess your faults one to another." James 5:16. "Forgetting those things which are behind." Philippians 3:13. "Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." Ephesians 4:32.

 To remain angry and upset over hurts and grievances (big or little) is exceedingly dangerous. Unless quickly solved, even little problems become set in your mind as convictions and attitudes adversely affecting your whole philosophy of life. This is why God says to let anger cool before retiring at night. Be big enough to forgive and to say with sincerity, "I'm sorry." After all, no one is perfect; and you are both on the same team, so be sportsmanlike enough to honestly admit a mistake when you make it. Besides, making up is a very pleasant experience, with unusual powers to draw marriage partners closer together. God suggests it! It works!
6. Keep Christ in the center of your home.
"Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it." Psalm 127:1. "In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths." Proverbs 3:6. "And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7.

 This is the greatest rule. It really covers all the others. Put Christ first! The real secret of true happiness in the home is not diplomacy, strategy, and untiring effort to overcome problems, but rather, union with Christ. Hearts filled with Christ's love can never be very far apart. With Christ in the home, marriage will be successful. The gospel is the cure for all marriages that are filled with hatred, bitterness, and disappointment. It prevents thousands of divorces by miraculously restoring love and happiness. It will save your marriage, too, if you are willing.

7. Pray together.
"Pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak." Matthew 26:41. "Pray one for another." James 5:16. "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally." James 1:5.

 Pray aloud for each other! This is a wonderful rule that succeeds beyond the wildest dream. Kneel before God and ask Him for true love for one another, for forgiveness, for strength, for wisdom-for the solution to problems. God has given a personal guarantee that He will answer. The praying person is not automatically cured of all of his faults, but he will have a heart that wants to do right. No family ever breaks up while sincerely praying together for God's help.

8. Agree that divorce is not the answer.
"What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder." Matthew 19:6. "Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery." Matthew 19:9. "The woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth." Romans 7:2.

 The Bible is clear. The ties of marriage are meant to be indissoluble and indestructible. Divorce is permissible only in the case of adultery. But even then it is not demanded, only permitted. Forgiveness is always better than divorce, even in the case of a morel fall. Marriage is for life. God so ordained it when He performed the first wedding in Eden. Thoughts of divorce as a solution will destroy any marriage. This is one reason Jesus ruled it out. Divorce is always destructive and almost never a solution to the problem. Instead, it creates much greater problems, so it should never be considered. Torn, frustrated, unhappy, twisted lives almost inevitably follow divorce; and even success in life itself is often thwarted. God instituted marriage to guard people's purity and happiness, to provide for their social needs, and to elevate their physical, mental, and moral nature. It's vows are among the most solemn and binding obligations that human beings can assume. To lightly set them aside results in removing one's self from God's favor and blessing.

9. Keep the family circle closed tightly.
"Thou shalt not commit adultery." Exodus 20:14. "The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her. . . . She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life." Proverbs 31:11, 12. "The Lord hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou has dealt treacherously." Malachi 2:14. "Keep thee from the evil woman. . . . Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids. . . . Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? . . . So he that goeth in to his neighbour's wife; whosoever toucheth her shall not be innocent." Proverbs 6:24-19.

 Family intimacies must never be shared with others-not even with parents. It is a great sin and a tragedy to break this God-given rule. A third person to sympathize or listen to complaints is a tool of the devil to estrange the hearts of husband and wife. Solve your home problems privately. No one else (except your minister or marriage counselor) should ever be involved. Always be truthful with each other, and never keep secrets from each other. Tell no jokes at the expense of your spouse's feelings. Vigorously defend each other, and strictly exclude all intruders. And as for adultery (in spite of what some marriage counselors say), it always hurts you and everyone else involved. God, who knows our mind, body, and emotional structure (and knows what helps or hurts us) says, "Thou shalt not." And when He says, "Don't," we had better not. Those who ignore His rule will pay the supreme penalty. So if flirtations have begun, break them off at once, or shadows may settle over your life that cannot be lifted.
10. God describes love; make it your daily goal to measure up.
"Love is forbearing and kind. Love knows no jealousy. Love does not brag, is not conceited. She is not unmannerly, nor selfish, nor irritable, nor mindful of wrongs. She does not rejoice in injustice, but joyfully sides with the truth. She can overlook faults. She is full of trust, full of hope, full of endurance." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, Weymouth.
 Please reread the above Scripture passage carefully. This is God's true description of love. How do you measure up? Love is not a sentimental impulse but a holy principle that involves every phase and action of life. With true love, your marriage cannot fail. Without it, it cannot succeed.

11. Remember that criticism and nagging destroy love.
"Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them." Colossians 3:19. "It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman." Proverbs 21:19. "A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike." Proverbs 27:15. "Why beholdest thou the mote [splinter] that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam [whole board] that is in thine own eye?" Matthew 7:3. "Love . . . looks for a way of being constructive." 1 Corinthians 13:4, Phillips.

 Stop criticizing, nagging, and faultfinding. Your husband or wife may lack much, but nagging will not help. Do no expect perfection, or bitterness will result. Overlook faults, and hunt for the good things. Do not try to reform, control, or compel your partner-you will destroy love. Only God can change people. A sense of humor, a cheerful heart, kindness, patience, and affection will banish two-thirds of your marriage problems. Try to make your spouse happy rather than good, and the good will take care of itself. The secret of a successful marriage lies not in having the right partner, but rather in being the right partner.
12. Do not overdo in anything; be temperate.
"Every man that striveth for the mastery is temperate in all things." 1 Corinthians 9:25. "Love . . . does not pursue selfish advantage." 1 Corinthians 13:5, Phillips. "Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31. "I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection." 1 Corinthians 9:27. "If any would not work, neither should he eat." 2 Thessalonians 3:10. "Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled." Hebrews 13:4. "Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof. Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin." Romans 6:12, 13.

 Overdoing will ruin your marriage. So will underdoing. Work, love, rest, exercise, play, worship, meals, and social contacts must be carefully balanced in your marriage, or something will snap. Overwork and the lack of sleep, proper food, or exercise make a person critical, intolerant, and negative. Constant overeating is a great evil that strengthens the lower nature and dulls the conscience.

Sexual abuses destroy a love for holy things and weaken vitality. Marriage gives no license to sexual excesses. Degrading, twisted, or intemperate sex acts destroy love and respect for one another. A temperate sex life is recommended by the Bible (1 Corinthians 7:3-7). Social contacts with others are absolutely essential. True happiness cannot be found in isolation. We must learn to laugh and enjoy wholesome, good times. To be overly serious is dangerous. Overdoing or underdoing in anything weakens the mind, body, conscience, and the ability to love and respect one another. Do not let intemperance wreck your marriage.

13. Regard each other's personal rights and privacies.
"Love is forbearing. . . . Love knows no jealousy. . . . She is not unmannerly, nor selfish. . . . She does not rejoice in injustice. . . . She is full of trust." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, Weymouth. "Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another." Romans 12:10.

 Each spouse has a God-given right to certain personal privacies without explanation. Do not tamper with each other's wallets or purses, personal mail, and other private property unless given permission. The right to privacy and quietude when preoccupied should be respected. Your husband or wife even has a right to be wrong part of the time and is entitled to an "off-day" without being given the third degree. Marriage partners do not own each other and should never try to force personality changes. Only God can make such changes, and we shall all answer personally to Him on this matter (Romans 14:12). Perfect confidence and trust in one another-no checking up on each other- is absolutely essential for happiness. Spend less time trying to "figure out" your spouse and more time trying to please her or him. This works wonders.

14. Be clean, modest, orderly, and dutiful.
"In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel." 1 Timothy 2:9. "She . . . works with willing hands." "She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household." "She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness." Proverbs 31:13, 15, 27, RSV. "Be ye clean." Isaiah 52:11. "Let all things be done decently and in order." 1 Corinthians 14:40. "If any provide not . . . for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel." 1 Timothy 5:8. "Be not slothful." Hebrews 6:12.

 Laziness, disorder, dirt, and slovenliness are the devil's weapons to destroy your respect and affection for one another, and thus ruin your marriage. Neat, modest attire and clean, well-groomed bodies are essential for both husband and wife. The meals should be wholesome, attractive, and served on time. The home should be clean and orderly, because this brings peace, calmness, and satisfaction to all. A lazy, shiftless husband who does not provide for his household is a curse to his family and an insult to God. Carelessness in some of these seemingly small matters is destroying homes by the thousands.

15. Determine to speak softly and kindly.
"A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger." Proverbs 15:1. "Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest." Ecclesiastes 9:9. "When I became a man, I put away childish things." 1 Corinthians 13:11.

 Force yourself to speak softly and kindly to your spouse. Silence, when one is attacked, is often the best method to cool wrath. Decisions made when angry, tired, or discouraged are unreliable anyway, so it is best to relax and let anger cool. And when you do speak, let it always be quietly and lovingly. Harsh, angry words crush your spouse's desire to please you.
16. Be reasonable in money matters.
"It [love] is not possessive. . . . Love has good manners and does not pursue selfish advantage." 1 Corinthians 13:4, 5, Phillips. "God loveth a cheerful giver." 2 Corinthians 9:7.
 All possessions and income in marriage should be "ours," not "yours" and "mine." Wives who do not work outside the home should receive a regular amount for groceries, clothing, and other budgeted items. It should be cheerfully provided instead of grudgingly released under protest. Wife and husband both should have small, equal sums (whenever possible) to spend as desired without giving account. A miserly husband usually angers his wife into being a spender, just as a wasteful husband makes a wife stingy. Showing confidence in your companion's managing ability will usually make him or her more businesslike.

17. Talk things over and counsel together freely.
"It [love] is neither anxious to impress nor does it cherish inflated ideas of its own importance. . . . It is not touchy." 1 Corinthians 13:4, 5, Phillips. "He that refuseth instruction despiseth his own soul." Proverbs 15:32. "Seest thou a man wise in his own conceit? There is more hope of a fool than of him." Proverbs 26:12.

 Few things will strengthen your marriage more than counseling together on all major decisions. Changing a job or purchasing a home, an automobile, a boat, furniture, clothing (major items at least), and all other items that require money involve both husband and wife; and the opinions of both should be considered. Talking things over together will avoid many blunders that could ruin your marriage. If, after much discussion and earnest prayer, opinions still differ, the wife should submit to her husband's decision. Scripture is clear on this. (See Ephesians 5:22-24).
18. Dont always reject sexual overtures: Sex in marriage is important.‘All the evidence points to the fact that an active sex life keeps couples together,’ says Dr Geoff Hackett, a leading expert in sexual medicine and former chairman of the British Society for Sexual Medicine.
‘It promotes intimacy, reassurance, the realization that both parties are wanted and needed. It is hard to find researched evidence, but most surveys point to the fact that a lack of sex in a relationship is a leading factor in break-ups.
‘Once the sex goes, so many other problems follow. It has also been proven that couples — especially men — will live longer, happier lives if they remain in a steady, loving relationship. There is no doubt that a healthy sex life is one of the most important factors in a thriving and successful marriage.’
19.Respect your spouse to be respected
Perhaps while we promised respect, eternal love and devotion, we do not follow this oath? Maybe we did not understand that the marriage is a commitment to life and we must respect and honour the person with whom we connected our lives. Showing lack of respect to our partner, whether occasional or on a permanent basis, is perhaps the biggest mistake that we do. When respect is not mutual in a marriage then it is more likely that marriage will end up in a disaster.
20.Be a Responsible spouse:
In marriage,the man and the woman should understand their responsibilities and fulfill them.
Irresponsible partners cannot go far.

1.       Starting a church with a wrong motive. Some of these wrong motives are:
# Church work will better my financial standing.
# if he can do it, I can also do it”
# I have no job, therefore God’s work is my only alternative.
# I am too big to work under anyone.
2.       Pastoring a church without a distinct call into the office of a pastor (Heb. 5:4).
3.       Starting a church because someone suggested it and you think you can do it.
4.       Co-founding a church with some other pastors. A man with two head is a monster; a ministry with more than one head will end in confusion.
A lot of churches are daily dividing, scattering the sheep and wounding the souls because the foundation was faulty.There cannot be two set-men, there will always be one set-man and many vision helpers (Ezekiel 22:30)
5.       Hunting for straying believers to serve as foundation members for the new church. This is very destructive, unless the foundation is sure on the house will collapse.
You shouldn’t use broken blocks to set your foundation. When starting your ministry, seek after the lost and disciple them. If you see a man changing church 4 times a year, he is a problem, he will burn down your work!
6.       Thinking that any church that is growing rapidly must either be compromising or be using charms.
Everyone must be careful at this junction! Your work is big enough to occupy you, don’t be a busy-body in other men’s affairs.
7.       Bringing other pastors down so the members can come to you.
If you do your work well, your sheep will come to you. Only Jesus needed to go down so you can climb up. There are many stars in the sky and all of them shine. The shinning of one does not hinder the brightness of the other!
8.       Lack of specific vision. Ministries without vision will scatter in confusion. Vision is the precise definition of your destination. A church without vision will only be duplicating other churches’ mission.
9.       Living hypocritical life. When you don’t live what you are preaching, your church will be dying gradually.
10.     Trying to do everything by yourself. Rome was not built on a day. People must grow, opportunities to good, opportunities to make mistakes and he be corrected. Those who will not delegate will suffocate.
11.     Getting entangled in secret moral scandals. There is nothing secret that will not be made open. You are involved in God’s work, and nothing is hidden from his sight.
12.     Thinking that God is not interested in numbers.
13.     Believing that quality is better than quantity, forgetting that good biblical quality must multiply and become quality.
14.     Stylishly sending away sinners from the church, thinking that the church is only for the saints. Meanwhile as far as God is concerned the sheep and the goat must grow together, until the time of harvest when the two will be separated from one another. the church is an hospital.
15.     Doing God’s work in the energy of the flesh. Pastoral work is a spiritual assignment, unless the spirit leads you, you can’t experience the desired lifting.
16.     Running around without genuine effective prayers.
The work of the ministry cannot be done in the energy of the flesh. We are not fighting against flesh and blood. As a Pastor, you are in the forefront of a spiritual battle and you cannot afford to be prayerless.
17.     Using all your time to pray and expecting heaven to do the rest. God answers prayers, but men take steps. And until steps are taken, signs will be absent.
18.     Refusal of reward committed members with what eyes can see. Christian literatures, certificate of merit, special dinner etc will go a long way. You can even organize a yearly award right.
19.     Continuing a dying programme even when it is no longer productive or making the necessary impact.
20.     Refusal to improve your speaking ability which can be done by listening to your own tape, doing some English exercises and listening to other people.
21.     Thinking that big programme can only be initiated when there is big money on the ground.
22.     Pursuing money instead of pursuing souls.
If you have enough souls money will come. God is not keeping the record of your money but He is keeping the record of the souls you are winning!
23.     Pursuit of tradition saying “we must continue the way we’ve always done it, nothing must change”
24.     Refusal to use new people in church services.
25.     Allowing the rich in the church to influence his day to day decisions.
26.     Treating everybody equally. This looks like a virtue but the truth is that not everybody is equal, and they cannot be treated equally.
27.     Treating some people as sacred cow, talking with prejudice and judging with sentiments.
28.     Refusal to discipline some people because of their usefulness in the church and their perceived indispensability.
29.     Forgetting that the church is a voluntary organization where people can come and go at will.
This is why you must not be talking to your members as if they are slaves or nonentities. Don’t use corporal punishment as a form of discipline: when people are well instructed, they will perform well.
30.     Complaining of sheep stealing when members leave for another church. It should be noted that sheep will always go for greener pastures. However there are goat-like sheep who loves wandering about from one prophet to another, collecting prayers like basket and not retaining any.
The Pastor should (i)       Impact confidence into them
(ii)          Let them be involved in service
(iii)        Pray for them not to enter into trap of the enemy.
31.     Using position to tie people down in the church with no regard for their maturity in God and understanding.
People are easy to hire and difficult to fire, you must therefore be careful so you don’t initiate a civil war against yourself.
32.     Not releasing those who want to leave the church unto their destiny and callings. There are people who are with you presently for training and exposure. At the right time they must leave, if you try to keep than you are keeping trouble!
33.     Not realizing that the church is made up of different kind of people: Judas, Thomas, Absalom, Peter, John etc. Expecting everyone to be behaving in the same way!
34.     Blaming the people, the church members for lack of progress. This should not be so. Whenever a vehicle is not performing up to the expected standard, you don’t blame the passengers but the driver.
35.     Not training the members or the workers but expecting them to be productive and perform excellently well.
36.     Sharing responsibility according to charisma and not character, forgetting that God does not look as man looketh.
37.     Getting angry publicly and showing it to such an extent that church members will begin to beg them.
38.     Disallowing women from becoming their best in God. Remember, in the upper room, women were there!
39.     Preaching as moved by the Holy Spirit without specific outline / preparation … which would have been useful for record purposes.
40.     Not recording your messages. Every unrecorded message is a pitiable loss of part of tomorrow.
41.     Door-step harvest. Not going out for souls but expecting them to come in into the church. Pulpit preaching is no alternative to outreaching.
42.     Exposing yourself to HIV of ministry.  HIV means Having Insufficient Vision. Once there is nothing to pursue people become flabby and slothful. And ultimately there will be no energy, no zeal, no achievement.
43.     Developing Hold The Forth mentality. When a Pastor has decided to hold the forth it is assumed that he is under heavy attack. Meanwhile we are supposed to be on the offensive.
44.     Sticking to old methods and desiring to climb new heights.
Old methodology will rarely produce new result. You must seek divine wisdom in order to get distinct results.
45.     Overlooking some units in the churches not been too significant forgetting that different things attract different people.
46.     Struggling with church diseases that could be tackled and subdued with some simple steps e.g.
Sociological strangulation
Hypercooperatism
Old Age
47.     Patching with sin and corruption on the altar.
The altar is a dignified place and should be kept sanctified. When you notice “workers of iniquity” deal with them decisively or your effectiveness will be undermined!
48.     Complaining about limited growth instead of appreciating God for the present state, so He could do more.
49.     Excessive use of committees, which though encourages participation, could precipitate inefficiency & wasting of time.
50.     Not trusting subordinates, thinking always that there may be break-away.
Despite the frequency of break-away, you will still need to trust your subordinates. You only need to be careful not to put all the burden of the ministry around one person.
Handle you Aaron appropriately and teach your people the power of loyalty.

Charles Nobles once said, “first we make our habits, then our habits make us.” We are what we repeatedly do. And if we ever want excellence in our lives, we need to remember that it “is not an act, but a habit.” Some habits are good, others very bad and still some are of no value or eternal significance. However, to effectively impact the people around us and leave a lasting impression, we must develop good habits and do everything in our power to unlearn bad ones.
I would like to leave you with 7 Habits of highly effective Christians. By their constant practice of 7 biblical principles they do not only excel in their knowledge of God, devotion to the Lord, ministry and calling, they also effectively inspire and challenge others to personal development and growth.

They give cheerfully
Their primary motivation is not what they will get out of their giving. They are more interested in being a blessing than receiving a blessing. They are kingdom driven and what ever promotes the work of the kingdom they are ready to step up.
They serve humbly
They have come to realize that God has called them to serve their generation. They are aware of the fact that every gift and talent given by the Father was given to serve others. They have come to realize that any “definition of a successful life must include serving others.” George Bush
They Pray selflessly
The only people who make a real difference in the world are those who selflessly pray for others. They almost never need to even pray for themselves because with the measure they selflessly give, they always get back in return. When they tell you “I’m praying for you” or “I will be praying for you.” they really mean it.
They Pursue God Relentlessly
A young man came to a very wise man and said, “I want to know God, teach me how.” The wise man said, “follow me and you will learn.” One day while they walked along the road, they came to a little creek and the wise man said to the young, “well, here is your first lesson – baptism.” The young man was excited and so presented himself to be baptized. Well, the wise man submerged the young man under the water but didn’t bring him up quickly, but kept him there for a while until he began to pant for air. After kicking and screaming for a while, the wise man brought him out of the water. But the young man was furious and asked if the wise man wanted to kill him. To that the wise man said, “if you want to know God you need to desperately seek him just like you were desperately seeking air when you were held under water.” Highly effective christians are desperate for God.
They live purposefully
Most highly effective christians have a plan for where they want to go. They do not, as in Paul’s words, “run like one who runs aimlessly.” They don’t, as in Celestine Chua’s words, “leave things to chance and outside world.” With the Lord’s help they take steps of faith. Though they can’t see the staircase, they take purposeful steps of faith.
They handle difficulties wisely
When life is painful and difficulties set in, they are not frantic. They are skillful at crisis management. They seek the Lord in prayer, they seek wisdom from his word, they confide in trusted friends and mentors and remain hopeful that God is able to keep what they’ve committed to him for that day. That kind of attitude is contagious.
They invest strategically
They use their time wisely. They don’t waste it on frivolous things. They use their money wisely, investing it instead of throwing it away on expensive toys. They value relationships, family, and friends. They also make themselves available to coach or mentor others, passing on valuable life’s lessons to the next generation.
I don’t know about you, but that’s the kind of Christian I strive to become.  How about you?

In the school of marriage your choice is your life. Your partner in marriage determines your place in destiny, because your partner is like your magnet drawing you to God or drawing you to hell. A lot of colorful destinies have been terminated as a result of wrong partners.
Samson, that great and highly anointed man of God fell as a result of a wrong partner. His destiny was short circuited; he was mocked and put to shame as a result of his wrong choice. Abigail, a woman of good understanding married a foolish and wicked husband (1Sam25v3)The resultant family was almost destroyed because of the conduct of the husband.

Beloved, beware. Take heed, that you may not enter into the trap of the devil and marry the wrong person. Here are some reasons why people marry wrongly:

1       WRONG FOUNDATION:
Building engineers made us to understand that, it is the strength of the foundation that will determine how strong a house will be. If the foundation is faulty the house can’t stand.      If the foundation is destroyed what can the righteous do?

Friends, Jesus Christ is the solid foundation for an enduring marriage. In your search for whom to marry, let Jesus have his place. Let his word and standard influence   your decision.

2          ATTEMPTING TO CHANGE ANOTHER PERSON:
If you are a child of God, a believer in Christ you need to go for people of like minds in the same  faith! Don’t think you can change anybody after marriage. Only God has power to change people.  The scripture says Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers, for what fellowship hath righteousness and what communion has light with darkness?. God’s word is superior to your emotion or knowledge, you can’t be wiser than the only wise God.

3        SUCCUMBING TO PARENTAL PRESSURE:
You must understand that your parent do not power to choose for you. No one should be allowed to use your destiny to settle friendship.
When Rebecca was to go and marry Isaac, her parent called her to seek her consent. Gen sis 24:58 says “and they called Rebecca and said unto her, will thou go with this man? And she said I will go”.

The parent of Rebecca didn’t force her.Don’t allow anyone to force you. The word of God says in Proverb 18:22 “whosoever finds a wife, found a good thing and obtain favor from the Lord”. It is the duty of every man to find his own wife.

4           TRIBAL PREJUDICE:
As a believer, we all belong to the same family, the same tribe. Once you are in Christ, there is no difference between the Jews and the Greek. Don’t rule out any tribe when it comes to marriage, the most important thing is that your partner should be washed in the blood of Jesus.

5          HASTY DECISION:
Marriage is an institution where many are rushing into while many want to rush out. You must therefore  look before you leap. To hook on to someone just because you want to get married as soon as possible, can be very dangerous. “He that hasteth with his feet sinneth”.

Why must you take foolish decision like that of Samson who saw Delilah and married her.(Judges16:4) He didn’t bother to know much about Delilah, what a hasty decision! Let God go before you and guide you, and in the name of Jesus, it shall be well.

6          AGE:
Marrying any one just because age is not longer on your side is very wrong. You’ve got to understand that for every Eve God has made, there is an Adam, and for every Adam, God has created an Eve..

If you are a lady, understand that God is not wicked. Definitely, your own Adam will come, and if you are a brother, you must know that God loves you and surely your Eve will come. Don’t force yourself on any man. Adam was relaxing when Eve was brought to him, therefore relax.

7          TOO MUCH CLOSENESS:When you are too close to a brother or a sister, your emotions may deceive you to think you are meant for each other, and bring you into a relationship you are not set for.

Amos3:3 said “can two walk together except they be agreed”? Even if the two of you are not in agreement before, by the time you become too close , what you don’t expect may happen.

8                    PHYSICAL BEAUTY:
Beauty is deceptive. What sustains marriage is beyond sight. To go into marriage because of physical beauty is to destroy your future home. If you marry anybody because of his or her appearance alone and something happen to that good shape, what will you do?. Allow God to lead you. Don’t lead yourself into any unwholesome relationship because of physical beauty. Remember that good shape will soon go, that fine face of today may become wrinkled tomorrow. If that beauty is your only reason for marriage, you are in trouble.

9          MATERIALISM:
“And he said unto them; beware of covetousness for a man’s life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth.    Luke12:15.
If you do not want to end your life in shame you must not marry anybody because of his property or possession.

You want to marry an unbeliever because of his posh car, believing that after marriage you will change him?. Don’t make that mistake please, it is very dangerous.

10        PROPHETIC TRAP:
Marrying because of the utterance of a prophet is dangerous. You have your life, live it well. If you are a genuine child of God you have the Spirit of God who can give you a green or a red light.

Beware of the prophet whose own family is in disarray! Okay, how can someone with five wives  prophesy you into a good home?

11        PEER PRESSURE

The fact that your mates, friends and colleagues have gone ahead of you in marriage does not mean that you should jump into marriage. Every man has his own destiny. Don’t be a fool! Just because all your mates are getting married does not mean you should force yourself on just anybody.

12        LONELINESS:
Marriage does not completely deliver one from loneliness. So, to go into marriage as a cure to loneliness is completely wrong. I’ve heard people say they are going to marry so that they can be free from loneliness.

If this is the only reason why you want to marry, you may fail. Loneliness is a matter of the mind. You can be amidst ten people and still feel lonely.

13        SOCIAL PRESSURE:
When you are too concerned about the word of men and not the word of God, you may ruin your own life. Look, the world around you may see your singleness as a defeat, but how you see yourself is what matters most. To allow people’s opinion to force you into any relationship that is not of God to ruin your life, because marriage is  life.

14        REPEATED DISAPPOINTMENTS:
If you rush into marriage because you have been disappointed for up to three or four times you may rush out again. According to Proverb 24:16 “for a just man falleth seven time, and riseth up again..”

The fact that you were disappointed twice last year does not mean you should marry just anybody as fast as you can!

15        SPIRITUAL WEAKNESS:
When you are weak spiritually you are opening the doors of your life to the devil and his agents who may come in and deceive you into a wrong relationship.

I have seen situations where people were charmed into marriage. Look you need spiritual strength so as to prevent any devil from hypnotizing you into any  marital bond you are not interested in.

1.      INSENSITIVITY TO LIES AND DECEPTION:
Are you a lady eager to get married? Then don’t throw away your common sense.Be at alert. Get ready to discern lies and gross deception. Don’t give in to sugar coated life stories. Don’t let any man who just met you last month tell you he cannot sleep because of you! Let no one play with your emotions. Be strong and be sensitive
.2.        PRIDE:
   “Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.” Luke 16:18
      If you think you are too much, your partner may elude you.  Don’t over estimate your beauty. Live in humility. Vashti was dethroned as a result of pride. God himself resist the proud and he giveth grace to the humble.
When you are proud, you are living outside the grace of God and apostle Paul said I am what I am by the grace of God. Without the grace of God you are useless.
3.      PRAYERLESSNESS:
A prayer less Christian is a powerless Christian.      Watch and pray that ye enter not into temptation…   Matthew 26:41.
The only way to escape the trap of the devil in marriage is through effective prayer. God must be talked to; he is still directing the affairs of men.
John 16:24  “Hitherto have ye asked anything in my name: ask, and ye shall receive, that your joy may be full.”
      For your joy to be full in marriage you must commune with God through effective prayer.
4.        INDISCIPLINE:
When you cannot discipline yourself, you may end up marrying the wrong person.
Discipline the way you relate with the members of the opposite sex.  Try to control the way you move around it is not every where you are invited to that you must go.
      Genesis 34:1-2
      “and Dinah the daughter of Leah, which she bare unto Jacob, went out to see the daughters of the land.  And when the son of hamor the hivite. Prince of the country. Saw her he took her, and laid with her, and defiled her.”
      Here, Dinah was defiled because she could not discipline herself.
5.        FEAR OF THE POWERS OF DARKNESS:
Ephesians 2:6 “….and hath raised us up together, in heavenly place in Christ Jesus”.
Where you are sitting now is the heavenly place, far above principalities and power.
I have seen people complaining I don’t ant to marry a witch and eventually they end up marrying an Ogbanje, why? Because what you fear will ultimately come to pass.
Job 3:25  “for the thing which I greatly fear is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come to me.”
6.       LIVING IN DISOBEDIENCE:
      1Sam. 15:22b
    “…behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams”.
If you are living in perpetual disobedience God will not be compelled to guide you. Until you obey the last instruction from heaven, you should not expect to receive any further instruction. Meanwhile, if there is no instruction there will be no direction, and if there is no direction, wrong marriage is inevitable.
7.       EVIL ASSOCIATION:
            1Cor 15:3   “…be not deceived; evil communications corrupt good manner”.
            Your companion can influence you into a wrong relationship. To marry according to God’s plan therefore, you must watch the kind of friends you move with.
A wise man once said “bad company is a disease, he who lies with dogs shall rise with lice”
You have a choice. You can decide on the kind of friend you want to move with.  Remember, friendship is not by force but by choice. Refuse any attempt by anyone to “fix” you up or organize a wife for you.
8.        BLACKMAIL:
You do not imprison yourself because of your past experience.  That you have been involved in immoral acts with someone and he/she is now threatening to tell everyone what you have done together is not enough reason to be wrongly married to him.
“If you don’t marry me l’ll tell everyone what you have done and I will expose you” thats cheap blackmail.
Understand that there is no saint without a past and there is no sinner without a future. To sink yourself into any unwholesome relationship because of your past is unwise.

9.           PREGNANCY
The fact that you made the mistake of getting pregnant for somebody when you were still an unbeliever and the issue of wedding has not come up between the two of you, does not means you should be coerced into marriage. If you will be patient and settled, you can still get God’s best for your life.
Try to discern what God is putting across into your mind and it shall be well.
10.       IMMORAL DRESSING
Immoral dressing does not attract, rather it repels. It has been said that like attract like. When you are the type that will always expose your body definitely people coming to you cannot be the serious type.
Your dressing determines your company. When you always dress to kill, you will end up marrying a killer.
Exo.20:26   …Let not your nakedness be discovered.
When material things are over exposed, they lose value. When you always dress like an harlot definitely you will end up marring an adulterer.
11.        MARRYING OUT OF PITY
To marry someone because you  pity him/her and believe  that, that is the only way you can help him is wrong. Marriage is not a pity ride, it is a life and death issue.
12.        WAY OF ESCAPE
Never get into marriage as a means of escaping family pressure, financial responsibility and social insult. Marriage is honorable when you enter into it at the right time. Settle down what the mind of God is concerning your life for now, then go ahead  and take the necessary steps.   In the name of Jesus you will laugh.
13.      RASH VOW or UNWHOLESOME COVENANT
Vowing that you will marry the first person to  have sex with you is not only rash but senseless. You must not be involved in what you will forever regret. Furthermore all those childish blood licking between two people,should not force you into eternal bondage.You can always call on spiritual leaders to conduct  deliverance for yo
14.        MISLEADING PASTORAL INFLUENCE
Understand that just as your parent doesn’t have the power to choose for you, so also is your pastor.
No pastor should dictate to you, who should be your wife/ husband. You can be counseled, he can advice you, but you have the final say.
Look, you must hearken to pastoral counseling because they are in the best position to correct you when you are going astray, but your pastor doesn’t have the power to choose for you.
15.         PASSION FOR SEX
If your major drive for marriage is sex, and sex only, you will end up marrying the available and not the responsible.
With sex as your only focus, it will only take six month after wedding before you realize that marriage is no fantasy.

    1. In order to grow we need to eat—The Bible
The Word of God is crucial to growing spiritually - 1Pe 2:2. In Psalm19:7-11David described the value of God's Word.He also illustrated the blessedness and fortitude of one who             meditated daily on the Word of GodPs 1:1-3. The Christian who wants to grow spiritually must therefore develop the habit of daily Bible reading...   a. Such as reading through the Bible each year (about 3 chapters a day)By feeding upon God's Word daily, we receive the spiritual  nourishment necessary to grow
    2. In order to grow we need to breathe—Prayer
The practice of prayer is also required for spiritual growth a. Through prayer we find mercy and grace to help - He 4:16 b. Through prayer we find peace to guard our hearts - Php 4:6-7
The Christian must therefore continue steadfastly in prayer.Perhaps emulating the example of David - cf. Ps 55:17 And the custom of Daniel, who prayed three times daily            Dan 6:10
    3. In order to grow we need good spiritual hygiene—Living above sin
There is a depth in God you can never get to ,if you are living in unconfessed sin.(2 Corinthians 7:1) If you are not a friend of God,you cannot go far with him.Meanwhile you cannot be his friend if you are wallowing in sin.(Psalm 32)
Once we have taken that step of salvation, we are declared righteous (Romans 5:1). But what does it look like to be actually righteous—to live a holy life?
Basically Paul emphasizes sexual purity as part of holy living.Beyond avoiding sexual immorality and keeping sex within God’s design for marriage, we can live a holy life by being obedient to God in all areas of life (1 Peter 1:14–16). Knowing and obeying God’s Word is key (John 17:17). Hiding God’s Word in our hearts keeps us from sin (Psalm 119:11).
    4. In order to grow we need a caring family—Fellowship
 Assembling together with other Christians is very important ( Heb 10:24-25) It is a means of stimulating one another to love and good works.We exhort one another in our service to Christ.Therefore Christians should make a strong habit of attending church: Attending as often as possible, for worship, Bible study,etc. b. The more we attend, the stronger the habit becomes; the less we attend, the weaker the habit becomes  -- Christians who make it a habit to skip the assemblies struggle in their efforts to grow spiritually; no Christian has become          stronger by neglecting the assembly!
5. In order to grow we need regular exercise—Service
Serving God  is one of the easiest way to grow fast.You need to personally hunt for opportunities to serve God in  your local assembly...even if you are not hired.Matt20:6-7
6. In order to grow we need protection—Temptation
7. In order to grow we need to give—Stewardship
James 4:13-14; 1 Timothy 6:9-10; James 1:5; 1 Timothy 6:8; 1 Timothy 6:11; Philippians 4:11-13

If we are to bring back the glory, honor, respect and sacredness of the church, we must start with Pastors. The condition of the church today is a direct result of the quality of Pastors the church has produced over the years. Every Sunday, tens of thousands of Pastors mount the pulpit to preach and talk to people. They have different motives, characters, habits and believe. They display various personality traits. While some are happy, others are hungry; while some are joyful, others are sad; while some are positive, others are negative; while some are honest, others are deceitful. While some are saints, others are chronic sinners and while some are real, others are fake and charlatans.
In my years of researching, teaching and interacting with Pastors, I have come to discover various kinds of Pastors. I hope Pastors will through this teaching discover who they really are, where they stand and reposition themselves.

The Place of Pastors (Jeremiah 3:15)

Pastors must be Men and women of God, true, genuine, godly, relevant and transparent. They must be called, commissioned and commanded by the Lord. They must be God’s men in God’s place at God’s time. Pastors are crucial to the life and vibrancy of the church. The church cannot rise above her Pastor. God will not do anything in the absence of the Pastors. The conditions of the churches today are simply a reflection of the kinds of Pastors leading them.

Kinds of Pastors Today:

I have come to discover 12 kinds of pastors that are visible in the church today. Though not all, but these twelve represent majority of Pastors leading churches today. I hope you can find who you are among these twelve descriptions.

BUSINESSMEN PASTORS (1 Timothy 6:3-5; Isaiah 56:10,11; 2:14)

Description: They are businessmen and women who see the ministry as avenue to make money. They function as the chief executive officers of their churches. The church is run with business principles. Their major emphasis is money, finance, prosperity and how to make it. They are in absolute control of everything.
Basic Motive: Gain and profit. Their programmes are targeted at how much money is realized. They are using God’s Name, the Church and the Bible to make money and enrich themselves.
Demerits: No heaven-mindedness, disciples and godliness. They breed Christians who are greedy of gain, profit oriented, thieves and crooks. They engage in lying, fantastic promises and spurious prophesies. They apportion church position to the highest bidder.
Way Out: True repentance, freedom from financial lucre and restoration of balanced truth to the church. Business pastors have brought much bad image to the church.

FUNKY PASTOR (2 Timothy 4:3, 4; Jeremiah 6:13)

Description: Worldly, carnal, ungodly pastors who watered down the gospel to please people. They dress anyhow and they allow anything in the church. They are immoral and sex-maniac who take advantage of people. Their messages are the church liberty, ministry on the broadways, easy way to heaven and making you somebody in life.
Basic Motives: Keep the people happy. Don’t offend them by telling them the truth. They exert influence and power over people in order to get their money. Youth and young people enjoy these kinds of pastors.
Demerits: No mention of sin, evil, hell or righteousness. Their focus is miracle, blessing and breakthroughs. Secular talk shows are allowed. Immorality, extra­marital affairs and premarital sex are overlooked all in the belief that God is a loving God. Funky pastors have brought much shame to the pastoral ministry and their name.
Way Out: Genuine repentance and restitution, or else…

VOCATIONAL PASTORS: (Ezekiel 34:2, 3)

Description: They are in the ministry, not as a result of God’s call, but by the call of men. They Pastor as a hobby. They love the honor and respect being given to pastors. Tribal sentiments, ethnic bias, connection to authority, wealth, status and oratory power are what was used to make them pastors. Educational qualifications and greasing of palms also figure here.
Basic motive: To rule over others and to be seen and respected by them. No vision, purpose and commission from the Lord. They therefore lord themselves over the people, using threats and position to oppress those who are genuinely called.
Demerits: They are not concerned with anyone or the church once their position is secured. They lead church backward through secular management systems. They don’t train, develop or empower anyone. The church is always malnourished and spiritually weak under such pastors. Their ministrations are always devoid of God’s power and their sermons always make people sick. Vocational or honorary pastors have caused much havoc for the church today.
Way Out: Seek the face of God as to His plan for your life, resignation and functioning where God wants you.

YESTERDAY’S PASTORS

Description: They are called by the Lord, but they are not in tune with the moves of God today. They are holy, godly and righteous but they are trapped in yesterday’s ways because they are ultra-conservative. Old tradition, dogma and doctrinal correctness are their forte. They spend only on their one gift to lead the church, they detest learning and change.
Basic Motive: To survive and bring back old time religion. They are therefore prejudiced against growth, change and new strategies. They are good in hymnals, bell-ringing and order of service that has become routine and lifeless today. Their relational skills are weak and very low.
Demerits: Lack of vision, purpose and direction in the church. The work is backward; they are confused because changes that have occurred have left them behind. They therefore experience crisis, breakaway, stagnation and backdoor losses. They do everything in the church because they don’t trust anybody. They are skeptic of people and change. Pastors of yesterday usually don’t know the new moves of God for today; because they are too busy looking at yesterday.
Way Out: Change, personal growth, disabused mindset and new focus of the move of God today.

POLITICAL PASTORS (Jeremiah 10:21; Jeremiah 23:11; Micah 3:11)

Description: They were once Servants of the Lord, but are now backslidded. They no longer have time to preach, pray, nourish people and prepare them for heaven. All their time is taken up with meetings upon meetings. They have become servants of the people. Bad friends, economic hardship and strange teachings have changed them.
Basic motive: To make it, either by force or by fire. They therefore engage in church politics. They become cunning, crafty, arm-twisting and they can speak from both sides of the mouth. Their strategic closeness to church authority makes them to determine the transfer, promotion, discipline and suspension of other pastors that are many times better than them. Character assassination is their modus–operandi.
Demerits: Their churches always suffer because they are not always around due to frequent meetings. They are spiritually dry, unable to get fresh insight from God and the church suffers spiritually. They get involve in scandals which they use for their political maneuvering to cover up. Political pastors needs to return back to the Lord, or else…
Way Out: Remember where you have fallen, repent and return back to the Lord. Stop church politics and concentrate on the primary job of pastoring, leading, nourishing and preparing people for heaven.

OCCULTIC PASTORS (Revelation 2:20, 24: Revelation 3:9)

Description: These are the people who have no business being in the ministry, but they are there all the same. Some are former occult practitioners who claim to be born-again, while others are herbalists and magicians who decide to hood-wink people by modernizing as pastors. They live double lives. They appear to eat at the Lord’s table but also deal with the devil in secret. They use means and demonic power to perform spurious miracles.
Basic Motives: Their motive is gain, power and control over people. They therefore use candles, coconut, incense, salt, kolanut, sponge, soaps, special baths and native roots as “prayer support”. They engage in fake vision, false prophecy and spurious miracles. They read the sixth and seventh books of Moses. They are usually polygamous and womanizers.
Demerits: Using other means to ‘Jazz’ up the work so that crowds can come; people under bondage and oppression; making people sure children of hell; immorality thrives; witchcraft and calamities in churches; people dying and losing their destiny in such churches. Oppressive air of bondage will be thick. No form of godly spirituality among the people. Occultic pastors will always be exposed by their traits and they will lose their ministries sooner or later.

SHALLOW PASTORS (Zephaniah 3:4)

Description: These are proud, garrulous, self-centered and self-willed pastors. They are islands, too busy to attend conferences or seminars or listen to anybody’s tape. They believe that everyone should learn from them but they cannot learn from anybody. Their anointing has grown to the extent that they don’t need to read the Bible every day, have time of prayer and fast unto the Lord.
Basic motives: Their motive is to succeed in ministry financially, materially and socially. They therefore spend church money to buy expensive shoes, clothing, cars and properties. They have nothing to really give to people spiritually. They thrive on stories, noise, demonstrations, pushing people and mimicked styles and prophesy. Their sermon dwell on their worth, wealth and fame.
Demerits: People are fed half truths, lies, motivational talks. They are always on the move, have nothing really to share and give to the people. The people are therefore largely unsaved, canal, sinful, ungodly and religious. They therefore move away to where the grass is green and the water is still. Shallow pastors will always lose serious Christians to other churches.
Way Out: Return to the Lord, load yourself and prepare to feed people with balanced diet of the Word.

MINISTRY PASTORS

Description: These are ministry-focused pastors. They are committed to and consumed by the work of the ministry. In their order of priorities, ministry is number one and everything else takes secondary position. These pastors neglect their families, children and personal lives in the name of doing ministry. Their children are wayward, bitter, un-catered for, angry and unconverted. Their wives are miserable, frustrated, neglected; feel cheated and lonely.
Basic motives: To fulfill their ministry irrespective of anything or anybody. Their desire is to prove themselves and the readiness to neglect everything for the ministry. They move from crusade to revivals, from prayer mountains to special seminars. They are too spiritual to play, pray, enjoy and relax with their wives, children and family, because sinners are perishing. They are always in a hurry.
Demerits: They experience divorce, have wayward children, unsettled homes and unfulfilled ministry. Their wives become demonized or engage in extra–marital affairs due to frequent absence and lack of care. Pastors that give ministry the number one priority above their God, home and personal development will always experience crisis, breakaway and being forsaken by the Lord. Lack of peace, progress and tranquility, both in the church and personal lives will always be the outcome of the mistake of putting ministry before God and your family. Ministry pastors will always experience burn out and frustration in ministry.
Way Out: Return back to the Lord. Make your God and family as number one and two, and ministry as number three.

SICK PASTORS (Revelation 3:14-19)

Description: physically okay but spiritually sick. Sick because they don’t know the Lord, they are sinful, ungodly, evil, immoral and wicked. Though they sometimes find themselves leading large congregations, yet, they preach the Jesus they have not met. They only use their spiritual activities to cover their spiritual nakedness.
Basic motives: They don’t know why they are in the ministry. They want to be like the Jones and Joneses. They are copy­cats. They struggle with sin, evil and low self-image. They take out their anger, sin and frustration on the people. They are sick because they lack basic leadership skill. They are sick because they are not good examples and role model to follow. They are sick because they operate under curse and disobedience.
Demerits: Destroyed lives of people under them; carnal, covetous, stinginess, unforgiving spirit, and readiness to curse and destroy people who dare question their ungodly activities. They usually kill churches and cause stagnation by making the saints to sin and backslide. Sick pastors will always produce sick churches that will find growth very difficult and stagnation very easy.
Way Out: Repent, seek the Lord, apologize and do a new work.

WOUNDED PASTORS

Description: They have experienced back-stabbing, disappointment and calamities in ministry. Their work has dealt them a hard blow. Through some mistakes and ignorance, they have been wounded in ministry. They are therefore bitter, sad, hurting and hateful in the ministry.
Basic motive: Vengeance, retribution and survival. They have been wounded by sin, devil, people, partners, colleagues and members. Some have lost wives, husbands, children, names, properties and health in the course of doing ministry. Some have deep pain due to betrayal by mentors, leaders, associates and spouses. And the wound is fresh and new.
Demerits: Bleeding hearts, hurtful feelings, lack of trust, discouragements, frustration and quitting the ministry. They don’t help anybody in the ministry again and they are always skeptical of people’s intentions. The un-forgiveness in their hearts hinders the flow of God’s spirit in them. As long as you don’t allow the Lord to heal you, your church will always suffer the hangover of your wounded heart.
Way Out: Release the past; handover your hurts unto the Lord and marsh on in faith. Forgive and forbear.

TECHNOLOGY PASTORS

Description: They are pastors on the move, who are always on the fast lane of life. Moving from city to city, nation to nation, making money at the expense of the souls under them. They spend weeks away from the church. They junket from place to place in the name of doing ministry while the church at home is dying and scattering. They monitor by means of audio and video messages of sermons.
Basic motive: Money, pleasure and properties. They use God to better their lot in life. Their living standard is above the income of their church. They always travel for ministration and business deals. While traveling, they continue to monitor the church through phone, e­mails, websites, phone-in-conference. They use these technologies to conduct services on Sunday and at vigils. In some cases, they stay permanently abroad and control the church from there.
Demerits: Their associates are not trusted; they are given responsibilities without authority. The church goes through turmoil, murmuring and lack of care, nurture and empowering. Such pastors lose their churches, their people and they eventually capitulate to the God of mammon, pleasure and fame. They lose their God and their ministry. God usually replace them with capable people who have a heart for things of eternal value.
Way Out: Genuine repentance, restoration and rediscovering the basic purpose of ministry.

GROWING PASTORS

Description: Very few, but these are pastors after God’s heart. They are called and commissioned by the Lord. They pursue a god-given vision. They display high integrity, character, godliness and a heart for things of eternal value. They are not perfect, but growing every day. They are balanced, learning, open to change and full of the Holy Spirit.
Basic motive: They desire to make impact for God. They want to see lives, families, nations and cities transformed for the Lord. They have no personal empire to build; rather they want to extend the frontiers of God’s kingdom throughout the whole world. They see ministry as opportunity to serve, help and empower others. They de-emphasize money, gain and pleasure.
Strengths: They invest in people; sharpen their leadership skills; maintain good relational skills; work over their weaknesses, build godly character; empower, equip and enable others to rise up to their highest potentials. They are not threatened by the gift of others. They speak the truth with grace and seek to disciple everyone for the Lord. They ensure that the church is built on the truth, undiluted and balanced Word of God. They pastor growing churches where the people are genuine Christians that continually grow in the things of the Lord. They raise leaders and equip them to carry on the work of God.
Results: Good, great and growing churches that will go on to affect things positively for God.
From these descriptions of twelve kinds of pastors, you can see that only one can really lead the church to true and sustainable growth. This is the reason why majority of our churches are sick, stagnant, crisis–ridden and are dying today because they are being pastored by the wrong kind of pastors.
Where are you? You can repent, and change today to be a growing pastor in all ramifications so as to lead the church into the future.

(This article is written by Dr Akin John)